Elizabeths Testimony

Written By Elizabeth

When I was 12 years old my Grandmother on my Dads side passed away, they lived in a different state so

my family with my other side Grandparents went to the funeral with a 15 passenger van. My Dad had

gone earlier as she had been sick for awhile and he was there when she passed.

Traveling home from the funeral is when the sexual abuse started from my Dad,we traveled home

through the night, my Dad sat beside me and while everyone else was sleeping he reached over got my

hand and placed it on a part of his body. I felt so disgusting and shame! Why me??

That was the beginning of the next 3 years of sexual abuse from my Dad. Anytime he would find me

alone somewhere I knew what was coming! Many of those times would take place in the milkhouse

when I had to wash the milking equipment. The fear and panic that would wash over me when I saw

him coming for the milkhouse, I would try to hide behind the bulk milk tank in hopes he wouldn't look

for me back there, But too many times my escape efforts failed!! I always hurried as fast as I could and

run to the house where I knew I was safe.

At the age of 15 I was awakened one morning by my Dad in my room,I was startled awake by him

removing my clothes,Is this a nightmare? What's happening?? thoughts started racing through my

mind!! And then reality hit, this is happening for real. Our bishop from the community had passed

away and my Mom was there helping with meals, while everyone else was outside doing chores or

downstairs. Somehow I was caught by myself upstairs! I was so scared I didn't know what he was

going to do to me, I remember crying and saying please don't. I was so scared I would end up pregnant!

I was sick the rest of the day,I could hardly eat! What did I do to deserve this? I must've done

something? Somehow this is my fault and I'm leading him into these temptations! I hated myself, I

hated my body, I hated how I looked!!! I'm damaged goods and no-one can ever know about this!

That evening we went to the veiwing and I very clearly remember the smell of death, I could not stay in

that room I blacked out and had to be carried outside, I was throwing up all evening. I believe an evil

spirit entered me that day! That day was the beggining of sickness for me, I lost alot of weight and

could hardly eat.

Soon after that my Dad showed me how to do things to my own body and that lead me down to years of

addiction.

I met and started dating my now husband when I was 19, it was after a heartbreak from a previous

relationship. So I looked to men for love but didn't trust them at all, all through our dating until we got

married I lived with the fear that he's going to leave me. Even though he knew I was sexually abused

by my Dad he stuck with me. So we got married a year later and all the abuse, shame,anger and

trust issues I had was brought into our marriage and for the first 9 years of marriage we had a hellish

marriage.

I would have emotional outbursts I had no idea how to deal with. There were certain points that I

would get very suicidal and almost wasn't safe being alone. I would try to pull out my hair to somehow

feel pain to distract me from the pain I was feeling internally. I hated myself! And in the same

time being controlled by a sexual demon that continuesly controlled my thoughts.

Month after month trying to get pregnant with no success, God surely must be punishing me!! The very

thing I always wanted to be, was also being taken from me.( I can't even be a Mother)

I absolutely didn't trust my husband I knew he would go behind my back and find his fulfillment in other

women like my Dad did to Mom. And I made sure to accuse him of that plenty of times!

In the meantime I'm constantly dealing with sickness, going to the dr. trying to figure out whats going

on,Thousands of dollars spent on tests with very little results.

I would try so hard to do better, to be a better wife. I made sure I was in the ordnung exactly or I was

filled with condemnation and would take my things to the church to make right and then I would feel

better for awhile, and then I would fall again. I thought God was watching me with a big rod in His

hand to knock me down whenever I messed up. I knew for sure I was going to hell! There was nothing

I could do to be good enough to go to heaven. I was at the end of the rope exactly where I needed to

be.

In 2014 my husband's boss started sharing the gospel with us. They told us about being" Born Again.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only son,that whoever believes in him should not

perish but have eternal life.

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ.

Romans 10:9-10 If you declare with your mouth," Jesus is lord"and believe in your heart that God has

raised him from the dead,you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified,

and it is with your mouth you profess your faith and are saved.

I was very confused, could it be that simple! that sounds too good to be true!

I was told all my life its about our works and outward appearance, and I started realizing that all my

works were like filthy rags to God!! So one day I prayed from my heart for the first time and I said

Lord if this is true what the scriptures say then I want that, but please don't let me be deceived! It was

as if He removed scales from eyes so I could see!! everything looked like it was freshly painted! It felt

like I was floating off the ground I was so light! I never felt peace like that everI new without a doubt

that Jesus was real and I was received by Him. That was the start of my healing and deliverance journey!

The very next day the Holy Spirit revealed to me the unforgiveness in my heart towards my Dad. I knew

I had over the years said I forgive my Dad, but it was always through works. This time I knew I couldn't

forgive him from myself, so I asked Jesus to help me forgive and it was like liquid love starting on the top

of my head ran all the way through my body and the love I felt for my Dad was nothing I ever felt before.

All I ever felt before was disgust and anger!!

As the forgiveness took place bitterness and hatred that was trapped in my body started leaving and my

body started healing immediately. My sciatic nerve pain went away, where I had been going to the

chiropractor weekly I completely quit going. Afew weeks later I went to a Take Back Your Life Conference

and there for 3 days I went through an intense emotional healing and deliverance time, it felt like God

was going into every place of pain, anger,shame,self hatred,rejection etc. and just removing it from me.

The sexual demon that I had was gone I was no longer controlled by it! I was completely set free!

Thank you, Jesus! I could talk and look men in the eyes without my mind being driven with sexual

thoughts! I was FREE! Our marriage started healing! I could finally fully trust my husband.

I was living out this scripture.

2nd Corinthians 5:17

Therefore if any man be in Christ he is a new creature; old things have passed away; Behold,all things

have become new! I am a new person, my old life is no longer who I am! My identity is in Christ!

I'm no longer a victim, I'm an overcomer! So are you!! you can overcome anything through

Christ.

Jesus is the truth, the way and the Life.

Surrender your life to Him and be Born Again!